There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
