Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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