you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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