i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
