Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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