She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I checked into jail on foursquare
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
