these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
