yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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