I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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