apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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