i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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