My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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