Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
