Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
