i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
