What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
