Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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