nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
