It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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