this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
