New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
