i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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