dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
only if we run a train.
done.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
