yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i need some magic done to my vagina
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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