but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
