...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
