I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
