Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
