I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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