eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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