what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
