she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
