That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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