that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Can you bring me the toilet please
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
