if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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