The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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