Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
