Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
