Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
