Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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