Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
