I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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