I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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