so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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