you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
