Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
