I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
