i need an iv and a liver transplant
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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