Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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