i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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