Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
