Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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