They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
