Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just puked most of my soul out..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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