dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
