im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This house was built for laser tag.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
