when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
