Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
