This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
