I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dear god my vagina.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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