I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
