Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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