Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
