Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
