actually, I'm a sock model
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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