Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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